IT’S BEEN A WHILE: INITIATING SEX WITH YOUR PARTNER
Initiating sex can be intimidating, especially if you’re in a long-term relationship and both your busy lifestyles have led to a bit of a dry spell.
To help you reconnect with each other again, here are a few tips to help bring back that spark.
DON’T FORGET WHY YOU STARTED
Remember when you first met and got butterflies whenever you thought about each other? Remember when every time they called or texted, you couldn’t help but smile? We understand that butterflies fade overtime, but trust, there’s always a way to bring back that initial excitement and spark. Try talking about the first time you met and what you were thinking and feeling at the time. You might find out that your partner saw or felt something about you that you never noticed before. If you remember why you started, that intimate connection will follow.
IT'S ALL ABOUT BALANCE
Between balancing work, friends, family, children and relationships, sometimes there just aren’t enough hours in the day to give sex or self-pleasure a second thought. If it’s been a while since you and your partner have been intimate, try your best to communicate clearly about what you’re feeling so you can work to fix it together. Is it that you’re too tired after a long day? Do you both maybe need some time away together to reconnect? It’s important to remember there’s more to a relationship than just that physical aspect; to help take the pressure off of the physical act of sex, start by scheduling in a date where you can spend some quality time with your partner, away from any distractions.
Putting what you want out there can be one of the sexiest things to a partner, so don’t be afraid to tell them what you want! We understand that not everyone finds being direct the easiest, however, communication is key when it comes to intimacy. Is your partner finishing work? Be bold! Drop them a quick text letting them know they can find you in the bedroom when they get home. Or maybe cook them a romantic meal to come home to help set the scene and help you both wind down.
BREAK THE PATTERN
With long term relationships it can be common to find yourself in a sort of routine when it comes to intimacy. For example, do you ever find yourself thinking ‘we can have sex this Saturday but ONLY after we’ve had dinner, after we’ve caught up on Netflix, after a shower, and once we’re both comfortable in bed’ - sound familiar? Adding a little surprise and mystery to your relationship will help to keep your sexual spark alive, and it can through simple gestures too - not just sex. Try kissing your partner more frequently during the day, or simply holding hands whilst you binge watch your favourite TV shows - these simple acts of intimacy will help you feel more connected, and may even lead to something a little more risque.
GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR SEXUALITY
Before taking steps towards reconnecting with your partner, why not try reconnecting with yourself. Masturbation has so many health benefits; it can help to reduce stress, improve your sleep quality, elevate your mood - it also is the best way to learn exactly what you like you can teach your partner. Give yourself time to explore what you like and want sexually, this way you’ll feel much more confident in sharing your desires with your partner.
TALK IT OUT
Still having trouble communicating? Are there specific things that are putting the brakes on sexual initiation, or intimacy in general? Find out what exactly those roadblocks are and talk them out together. In today’s fast paced world, there are loads of things that can stress us out - and sometimes we can take those feelings out on our partners if we don’t talk about it. Once you identify those obstacles that are in your way, it’ll be much easier to find a way to eliminate or work around them so both of you will feel “in the mood” more often.
There are tons of ways to go about initiating sex with your partner - and they should all be fun! Sex should be viewed as a form of true connection, so keep exploring, and be sure to communicate. If you have any top tips, let us know on Instagram @kyjelly_uk.